Drink Up, Me Hearties
by MadamHazel
Summary: Part 1 'Pirates' Series: Royal Navy Captain Sam Tyler falls off his ship in a fight and winds up rescued by Gene Hunt's pirate ship. How can he get home, and what is Gene's issue with Edward Kramer? Waay eventual slash in the series.
1. It's A Godawful Small Affair

Title: Drink Up, Me Hearties

Fandom: Life On Mars AU

Rating: T for thematic elements and Gene Hunt

Disclaimer: I am in no way smart enough to own Life on Mars. The show belongs to the wonderful, talented people who made it, of which I am not one. Everything outside the show however, like this bizarre AU idea, is mine.

A/N: I regret nothing. This is awesome. Okay, it's an Alternate Universe fic following the series, but set in the Golden Age of piracy, around 1720. Everything I know about pirates comes with my obsessions with Pirates of the Caribbean a few years ago. Also, this is wayhayhay eventual slash (like, it's nonexistent for the first half of the series.) But this is Life on Mars, baby, you should be used to that.

CHAPTER ONE: IT'S A GODAWFUL SMALL AFFAIR

Captain Sam Tyler was known far and wide throughout the Royal Navy as being one of the best and most studious of men. His exploits and successes at catching pirates were well-known and documented, and he was even considered an attractive folk hero in certain circles, much to the delight of his mother.

Captain Tyler was also a man of infinite patience, intelligence and order. Unfortunately such qualities, while very impressive for a Navy captain, did not contribute much to a varied personal life. His mother, back in Manchester, was the only one who actually enjoyed spending time with him.

Even letters from his fiancee, Maya Roy, were getting terser and terser after he stopped responding to them. He kept meaning to, of course, but work was always getting in the way. At least that's what he told himself.

The loyalty from his men was grudging, at best, since they resented that he worked them almost perpetually. His ship was always sparkling clean, his crew always spit-and-polished, and he always, always caught the bad guys. Even if it drove away everyone around him.

That was why he was sitting alone in his cabin on the ship, the HMS _Hyde_, reading a letter from Maya, instead of at a bar with his colleagues. Not that he'd want to be out, he had far too much work to do. He focused and looked down at the letter, which was the shortest of all her letters.

_Sam, _it read, in Maya's practical yet feminine handwriting,

_I'm sorry this had to happen through a letter, instead in person, although maybe this way you'll actually pay attention to me. I can't be with you anymore. I keep writing, hoping that one day you'll write back, but you never do. Even when we're together, it's like your mind is somewhere else. All you care about is work, and everything else gets pushed aside. _

_I'm going to set you free, Sam. I'm sending the engagement ring in this envelope, hoping that someday, maybe, you'll find someone who can rake up those emotions you've buried so deep. Goodbye, Sam._

_Love, Maya_

Sam tilted the envelope towards his hand, and a delicate ring fell out. He stared at the ring in his hand. He knew, intellectually, that he should be upset about this. In his head, he knew that when a couple splits apart, they should feel sadness and remorse.

He felt nothing of the sort. Maya was nice enough, sure, the proper kind of woman a proper man like himself was expected to settle down with. He had proposed with every intention of marrying her, but after getting called to work catching pirates, the engagement had slipped out of his mind.

He stored the ring in his pocket, pulled a map toward him and started calculating his next route, resolving to think more about Maya when he got the opportunity.

* * *

><p>Except he never did, because Sam spent the next few days frantically trying to get the ship ready to sail for their next voyage. As Sam oversaw some supplies being transferred onto the ship, three days later, he thought of Maya's letter with a pang. He had completely forgotten.<p>

He slipped his hand into his pocket, where the engagement ring still lay, and felt an intense wave of loneliness. Maya was right; his work was consuming him. But that was good, right? Better work than drink, better hidden sneers from his men than consorting with unsavory women. Did it matter, in the end, that he was intimate with no one if he caught the men terrorizing the seas?

He left the men to their work and wandered towards and empty spot by the water. He sat down on a barrel and took off his hat, scratching at the powdered wig under it. As he sat there contemplating, a small native girl no older than ten wandered by him, humming a song Sam didn't recognize.

She was dark-skinned, with starling blue eyes and blond tints in her otherwise chestnut hair. In one arm she held a ragged doll made out of blue fabric that seemed to fit perfectly against her red dress. She peered at him inquisitively, tilting her head in a way that would be cute on any other child.

"_Wonder if they'll ever know_," she sang, and her voice had an eerie quality that didn't fit a child of her age, "_It's a best-selling show…Is there life on Mars?_" She stopped singing and stood there staring at him for a long, awkward silence.

"Hello," Sam said hesitantly. He wasn't comfortable with children.

She blinked, with a remarkably impassive expression for such a small girl. "You're stuck, Sam," she said flatly.

"What?" Sam gaped, "How do you know my name?"

"I know everything about you." She said it as though it were something obvious. "You're not getting anywhere, you know."

"Wha- Of course, I am," Sam said, responding almost solely on instinct.

"No, you're not," she contested. "That's why we've decided to help you. It's for your own good, Sam, you'll see. Soon you'll see very clearly." She gave a smile that seemed to stretch too far across her face to be natural, and then she vanished.

Sam stared at the spot where she had been and blinked, very slowly.

"Maybe I have been working too much," he muttered, and walked back to the ship. They had a lot more to do, after all.

* * *

><p>Several more days after that, they were in pursuit of a well-known pirate by the name of Edward Kramer, and they were closing in on him fast. Sam was pushing his crew harder than ever, joining in himself when needed.<p>

It was a boiling hot day, the Caribbean sun burning down onto his still-pale skin, and he had taken off his coat, hat and wig. He was barely a captain now in looks, appearing merely as one of the crew. But his manner still remained as befitting of his rank, his posture perfect as he ran along the deck bellowing orders to his crew.

They were just catching up to Kramer, the wind at their back and their sails pulled taught, when someone cried, "Captain, another ship coming up behind us!"

Sam raced to the stern, pulling out a telescope and peering at the ship that was, indeed, pulling up behind them and gaining speed.

"It's not flying any official colors," he said to no one in particular, "It's probably a pirate ship. But Kramer doesn't have any other ships, he's not powerful enough to…"

The ship shook with sudden impact, and Sam turned quickly.

His first mate replied to the unanswered question, saying, "Kramer's turned and fired on us, sir. We've back him into a corner and he's getting desperate."

Sam nodded. "Right. Ready the cannons and prepare to fire ba-"

The ship shook again from a cannon impact, and a piece of the rigging swooped towards Sam. It hit him in the head and knocked him off his feet, and Sam staggered backwards toward the railing.

His first mate reached for him, but it was already too late and Sam fell over the railing off the ship. The only thought that came to his woozy mind, in the few seconds before he hit the water, was, _This has got to be the stupidest way to die._

* * *

><p>Sam groaned and opened his eyes, then quickly shut them again. The sun was bright and hot on him, and his head and body were aching. He gathered himself together, and remembered the confrontation with Kramer.<p>

Deciding he need to know what was going on, Sam forced his eyes opened again and sat up. He came face-to-face with a motley, dirty crew of men with, surprisingly, a few women mixed in as well.

The man that became the most immediately apparent was the one standing right in front of Sam, staring down at him with worried eyes, and the yellow-haired man further back with a look of complete disgust on his face.

"Y'alright?" the man with the worried eyes asked, leaning in even closer to Sam. When Sam leaned back instinctively, the other man sensed his faux pas and got out of Sam's personal space.

"This isn't my ship," Sam muttered, looking around.

"Er, no," the other answered, "You fell off your ship, and we rescued you. Don't you remember?"

Sam felt extremely discombobulated as he replied absently, "I remember falling off my ship…"

The other man grinned and stuck out a hand, "I'm Chris Skelton," he said, "And who are you?"

Sam said, "Sam Tyler," but didn't take Chris' hand. Chris awkwardly pulled it back to himself and wiped it on his filthy shirt.

"I say we should have left him in the water," the yellow-haired man said. Along with the hair, he had an impressively bushy beard and was holding a cigar in one hand.

"That's Raymondo," Chris whispered to Sam, at the same time as an older woman was telling Ray, "You know the guv wouldn't like that, Ray. Do you want to be the one he keelhauls next?"

Ray snorted and said, "The next one will be you, Phyllis, you old bag, if you don't shut up."

"That's Phyllis," Chris said unnecessarily, as Phyllis and Ray began arguing in the background, "Look, you look really bad. Maybe Annie should take a look at you."

"Who?' Sam asked, not really caring about the answer.

"Our medical person. She's really good at it," Chris lowered his voice and said, "She's got nice tits, too."

The vulgarity was too much for Sam, who jumped up, ignoring the resulting pain in his head. "What the _hell_ is going on?" he shouted, and everyone else stopped talking and looked at him. "Where's my crew? My ship? I'm a captain of the Royal Navy, not meant to be on a filthy ship of-" he looked up and saw the flag flying in the breeze, "_pirates_."

Ray snorted, his look of disgust becoming even more complete, and Chris said, "Er, you might want to keep it down, Sam."

Sam, standing with his back to the doors of the captain's cabin, heard noises of things being moved and coughing.

"Too late," Ray said, with an intense look of satisfaction.

The door behind Sam was flung open, and Sam turned to see who was there. He saw a large, bulky man wearing a simple white shirt hanging open, and brown pants. A cutlass hung on one side of his belt, and a gun of the other, and he held a cigar in one hand. He was obviously in charge.

Sam turned to face the man fully and, still feeling anger and confusion coursing through him, said, "Fine, then. Surprise me. What ship is this supposed to be?"

The man considered Sam for a minute, and placed the cigar in his mouth. "Word in your shell-like, pal," he said, then grabbed Sam's shirt and dragged him into the cabin, slamming him up against a wardrobe anchored against the wall.

Sam shoved off the man's hands, feeling a spark of pure fury he hadn't ever felt against this man who dared to manhandle a captain of the Royal Navy. "Big mistake," he hissed.

"Yeah?" said the man, unfazed by the force of Sam's anger, "What about this?" And he punched Sam in the stomach, causing him to double over.

As Sam was still gasping, the man grabbed him by the shirt again and shoved him back against the wardrobe, pressing into Sam with his body. "They reckoned your brains were scrambled," the man said, "Well, I don't care if you've got your brains fallin' out your ears, you do not _ever_ waltz onto my kingdom acting king of the jungle. From the moment you step onto this ship I own you, as surely as if I bought you with me own meager coin."

Sam, still more angry and unhinged than he could ever remember being, said, "And who the hell are you?"

The man pressed even closer still, and said, "Gene Hunt, captain of this good ship and crew."

"A pirate ship," Sam said, sneering.

"Your ship now," Gene said, "Welcome to the_ Mars._"

A/N 2: Oh yes. I just did that.

_Next time: Sam's anger had a brief war with his professional curiosity, before he asked, "You said you were after Kramer. Why?"/ a cute girl with brown hair tied back and blue eyes trotted in, her eyes engaging in a cursory examination of Sam's health. / As soon as they got to the relative privacy of belowdecks, Sam said, "I'm not staying here, you know." / Gene lifted the sheet to reveal the dead body of a young woman. "Meet Suzi Tripper," he said._


	2. The Girl With The Mousy Hair

Title: Drink Up, Me Hearties

Fandom: Life on Mars AU

Rating: T for thematic elements and Gene Hunt

Disclaimer: I am in no way smart enough to own Life on Mars. The show belongs to the wonderful, talented people who made it, of which I am not one. Everything outside the show however, like this bizarre AU idea, is mine.

A/N: If anyone would like to review giving me pirate-y title or plot ideas for the rest of the series, feel free. I have a general idea about what I want to do with each episode, but if anyone can come up with something totally awesome, or just give me your thoughts on how you think this universe would work, I welcome it.

Previously: _The man pressed even closer still, and said, "Gene Hunt, captain of this good ship and crew."_

"_A pirate ship," Sam said, sneering._

"_Your ship now," Gene said, "Welcome to the _Mars_."_

CHAPTER TWO: THE GIRL WITH THE MOUSY HAIR

"Hold on," Sam said, following Gene out of the cabin, "I'm not staying here. I have my own ship I'm captain of. I was in the middle of a fight."

"With Kramer," Gene said, "We saw."

Something clicked in Sam's mind, and he said in realization, "You were the other ship. The one that came in behind us."

They passed through the rest of the crew, who were silent now and parted like the Red Sea when Sam and Gene came near, as if they were royalty. Gene cast a glare at all assembled, and they quickly scurried to their duties.

Gene said, "We were after Kramer as well. For a diff'rent reason, obviously. We saw your skinny arse fall off your ship, and when they turned tail and didn't go after you-"

"They _what_?" Sam interjected, the anger that had been slowly subsiding now rising quickly back, "How _dare_ they abandon a superior officer in a time of crisis. That's completely against protocol!"

Ray, standing nearby, gave another derisive snort, but looked away when Gene glanced over at him.

Gene turned back to Sam and said, "They clearly didn't like you enough to want to try an' save you. Can't imagine why." This time it was he who gave the derisive snort, as he took a puff of his cigar.

Sam's anger had a brief war with his professional curiosity, before he asked, "You said you were after Kramer. Why?"

Gene tried to look innocent and failed miserably, as he said, "Doesn't matter, we lost 'im after we picked you up. Besides, I doubt a decent officer of the Navy would want to know such sordid details about pirate dealings."

"On the contrary," Sam rebutted, "My position as a servant to the crown requires that I know as much as I can about-"

By this time they had made a full circle around the deck, and Gene grabbed his arm and pushed him into the captain's cabin, cutting off Sam's rant.

"Annie!" Gene called, "Got a patient for you, love! He's just your type- needy and confused."

A few seconds later, a cute girl with brown hair tied back and blue eyes trotted in, her eyes engaging in a cursory examination of Sam's health.

"…Hello," Sam said. He wasn't very comfortable with women either. He wasn't really comfortable with anyone.

Annie, probably sensing his discomfort, said, "Hello," and smiled one of the sweetest smiles Sam had ever seen. She walked over to him, examining the bump on his head from the rigging."You look all right, nothing's broken," she said, "You feel like you're going to heave up?"

"I feel a bit nauseous, yeah," Sam said, rubbing the back of his neck. His head was aching even more as the reality of his situation hit him. He was trapped on a pirate ship, the antithesis of everything he stood for, with an overly-violent captain, and an overly-rambunctious crew.

He looked up at Annie, who was looking back down at him with an expression of concern. From the position he was in, the primal part in the back of his mind could agree that yes, she did have very nice tits.

He shoved those thoughts back into the back of his mind as usual, and said, "What a girl like you doing on a pirate ship? You look like you belong-"

"What?" Annie interrupted, her sweet smile now tinged with an edge of bitterness, "On a plantation? On a rich man's arm? Not for someone born and raised in a bar. Not much hope for advancement, there. This seemed the better option."

"Those are some big words for a barmaid," Sam said, giving a gentle smile.

Annie smiled back, the bitterness leaving her face as she replied with a touch of pride, "I taught myself to read when I was a kid. Sailors were always coming in, and they'd give me books."

"That's amazing," Sam said, and he meant it, too.

They smiled at each other, and for a moment Sam forgot where he was.

The moment was completely broken when Gene barged in and said, "Right, if you two girls are done making googly eyes at each other, I'm going to show Tyler where he'll be staying with us."

"I can do that," Annie said, heading for the door.

Gene grabbed her arm and pulled her back, saying, "No need, love, though I know you want to get up close and personal with your new friend 'ere. I'll do it, you just make sure that this lot," he gestured with his head outside the door, "are all ready to dock when we get to port, got it?"

"Yes, guv," Annie said, nodding. As Sam followed Gene, he looked back at Annie to see her give a 'well, what can you do?' shrug.

Sam spent the trip across the deck in stony silence, ignoring the stares he was still getting from the crew. Chris gave him a little wave when they passed by, and Ray gave a dirty look, but they both quickly turned back to swabbing the deck when Gene glared at them.

As soon as they got to the relative privacy of belowdecks, Sam said, "I'm not staying here, you know."

Gene seemed unimpressed. "Is that right."

"I'm serious," Sam said, half-hoping that Gene would hit him again, so he could hit back and relieve the coil of pressure wound in his chest. "When we hit port, wherever it is, I'm leaving. I'm gone. And you can't stop me."

"Like I'd want to," Gene snorted and turned to face Sam, leaning ever-so-slightly into his personal space. Sam didn't back down. "Listen, Tyler, I dunno how they do things on whatever poncy boat you come from-"

"_Hyde,_" Sam said, "The HMS _Hyde_."

Gene completely ignored him and barreled on, "-but 'round here, when we see a man in distress we save him, especially if it means he don't fall into the hands of Kramer."

"What, exactly, is your issue with Kramer?" Sam demanded.

Gene stepped back, turning to walk away, and Sam let out the breath he hadn't known he was holding. Gene said, "It's none of your business, Tyler. And you're none of mine. I'll be glad to see the back of you."

Sam sighed, and leaned his back up against the filthy wall, tilting his head back and closing his eyes. "I don't belong here," he muttered to himself, "I want to go home."

"Don't be such a pansy," Gene said disdainfully, "There's no finer ship in the ocean than this one. The _Mars_ will get a man wherever he needs to be, safe as a child on his mother's ample breasts."

"That's lovely," Sam said sarcastically. "You know," he added, "On the _Hyde_ I was the captain."

Gene scrutinized him, in his dirty grey shirt, brown pants and plain boots. "If you're a captain," he said, "then where's your fancy dress? All frock coat, powdered wig and such."

"I took them off," Sam explained, "We were chasing after Kramer, and every man was needed to work the ship. That includes the captain."

Gene looked at him with a sort of appreciation, which Sam ignored. He didn't need affirmation from a pirate. Gene said, "I thought official captains didn't dirty their hands with muscle work."

"Most of them don't," Sam said, "I do." He held out his hands, which were calloused with years of hard work.

Gene stared at Sam for a long moment, in which Sam pulled his hands back to himself and wondered what had possessed him to do that in the first place.

Finally Gene said, with an air of decision, "What do you know about Edward Kramer?"

Sam thought for a second, thrown by the conversation's sudden change of direction, "Not much, just that he's a pirate and his first mate's Colin Raimes."

Gene leaned back on his feet and crossed his arms. "Well, us in the underworld know a thing or two more about Kramer."

"And that is?"

"He's a sick bastard, who's nuttier than squirrel droppings." Gene emphasized his point by turning and walking in a different direction than when he started, and Sam scurried to catch up.

Sam asked as they walked, "And your proof for that is?"

"That's what we're going down to see," Gene said, "Since I know you won't just take my word for it."

"Well," Sam said, "Taking the word of a pirate is not really accepted protocols on the _Hyde_."

This made Gene laugh, just a little bit, as they reached the entrance to the hold. "Here's your proof," Gene said, and walked inside, Sam following.

Sam stood in the entrance and stared blankly at the object inside the hold. It was a plain wooden coffin, loosely secured on its sides. Gene circled around it almost reverently and knelt beside it, making to open it.

Sam moved inside, and knelt beside Gene. "What the hell is this?" he asked, more as a rhetorical question than anything.

Gene answered anyway. "Your proof, like I said."

He opened the coffin, which contained a body covered by a sheet. Gene lifted the sheet to reveal the dead body of a young woman. "Meet Susie Tripper," he said.

She was young, only about seventeen or eighteen. She was pretty, humble sort of way, with freckles on her cheeks and light brown hair. She had been preserved as well as possible, and she looked as if she were only sleeping, were it not for the garish strangulation marks around her neck.

Sam let out a slow, solemn breath and said, "What does she have to do with Kramer?"

Gene gently laid the sheet back over Susie Tripper's face, closed the coffin and said, "She was the daughter of a merchant in Graham's Landing. She has two parents and three sisters. She worked at a bar in Port Royal, where Kramer was a regular customer. Until he dragged into a back alley and strangled her."

"Why?" Sam asked.

"No reason," Gene said, his jaw clenching and his eyes flashing, "No reason at all. He just wanted to kill her, and so he did. And Colin Raimes helped him the entire way."

They both stood up at the same time, and Sam stared at Gene's fierce, protective expression. He had only known the man a few hours, and already he had to reexamine his views about him.

Gene continued, "Chris was the one who found her. I know her dad, we stop off in Graham's Landing most times we need to make port. I figured I should bring her back to her family, and get the twisted buggers who did this to her off the seas."

Sam let out a weary laugh and turned away, running his hands through his close-cropped hair. "God save me from noble pirates," he murmured, then said louder, "You know there are official people whose jobs are to hunt down pirates." He resisted the urge to add 'like you' to the end of the sentence, knowing that was a barrel of fish he wasn't ready to delve into yet.

Gene eyed him with an oddly serious look, and replied, "Those 'official people' of yours don't even know where to look. Pirates have nooks and crannies all around the Caribbean that you lot don't know anything about, along with a highly sophisticated information-sharing system."

"Bar gossip, you mean," Sam clarified. Gene shrugged, not denying it. Sam said, "So where exactly are these nooks and crannies?"

Gene laughed and clapped an arm around Sam's shoulders. Sam eyed his hand warily as Gene said, "That's something you gotta earn, Sammy-boy. Which you may never, if you leave at the port."

"If?" Sam raised an eyebrow.

"Your opinion might change when you see Susie's family," Gene said, and nodded at the coffin before walking out.

"I doubt it," Sam said under his breath, before he followed Gene out the door.

A/N 2: I've written three chapters so far, and I've realized that most of it is Sam and Gene talking. I should probably branch out a little more. There are other characters too, right?

_Next time: "Some people," Sam said, not sure why he was saying it, "Just want to watch the world burn."/ "What about being a person?" Annie snapped back, "Where does that fit into your equation?"/ "Dora Keene. Wonderful. Thanks, Nelson," Gene said, standing up and dropping some coins on the counter, "Coming, Tyler?"/ The sailor eyed him again, then laughed into his drink and said, "Mate, you look more like someone who is a pirate than someone who chases a pirate."_


	3. Her Mummy Is Yelling No

Title: Drink Up, Me Hearties

Fandom: Life on Mars AU

Rating: T for thematic elements and Gene Hunt

Disclaimer: I am in no way smart enough to own Life on Mars. The show belongs to the wonderful, talented people who made it, of which I am not one. Everything outside the show however, like this bizarre AU idea, is mine.

A/N: In case you're wondering about my updating schedule, I'll update when I've completed writing and editing a chapter ahead. So the updates will be incredibly erratic at best, and occasionally nonexistent for a while. But I do plan on going through the whole series, so it'll all come eventually. Also, yay plotty plotness!

Previously: _"If?" Sam raised an eyebrow._

"_Your opinion might change when you see Susie's family," Gene said, and nodded at the coffin before walking out._

"_I doubt it," Sam said under his breath, before he followed Gene out the door._

CHAPTER THREE: HER MUMMY IS YELLING NO

Graham's Landing was a slightly out-of-the-way port, and unique among ports in the Caribbean in that it managed to strike a balance between lawfulness and unlawfulness. Pirates and soldiers alike wandered the streets, with the implicit unwritten promise not to cause trouble.

Its streets were filled with shops, bars, pubs, brothels and anything and everything in between. Besides the unsavories that appeared in every port where there were people who liked drink and women, most of the people that lived there were decent, law-abiding people making a living however best they could.

A sample of these sorts of people was the Tripper family, standing now on the dock looking worried. Standing on the deck of the ship, looking down at them with Annie beside him, Sam wondered how much they knew.

Gene came up behind him without warning and said, "I sent a letter on ahead. They know what happened."

"Those poor people," Annie said softly, looking forlorn.

"They're just trying to make their way in the world," Gene said bitterly, "And then someone like Kramer comes along and destroys it."

"Some people," Sam said, not sure why he was saying it, "Just want to watch the world burn."

* * *

><p>Susie Tripper's entire family was there, her mother, her father, her sisters. Sam edged uncomfortably around the group as they tearfully accepted the wooden coffin. As he was just leaving the dock, Annie caught his eye and started edging out of the crowd.<p>

Sam waited until she got next to him, knowing he might not get the chance to talk to her again..

"You're really leaving, then?" she asked, tilting her head with an odd expression on her face.

"Yeah," Sam said. He felt the need to explain himself, even though he knew he shouldn't be ashamed in front of a pirate (just a pirate, his mind supplied, no matter that she helped you and is kinder than most civilized people you've met). "I can't stay here, Annie," he said, "I don't belong here. I'm a Navy captain, I can't consort with-"

"Dirty pirates?" Annie supplied, quirking an eyebrow.

"I have a duty," Sam said, his reasoning slipping away, "I'm just going to find someone who can take me to the _Hyde_, and get back to regular life."

"When you do," Annie asked, "Will you turn us in because we're pirates? Because of duty?"

The silence that stretched out between them was answer enough, but Sam still said, "I don't know."

Annie looked away, exasperated, and said, "We rescued you, Sam. We saved your life when yours sailors with their _duty_ left you there. Doesn't that mean anything to you? Doesn't it touch you, somehow?"

"I'm a servant to the law and the Crown first and foremost," Sam insisted. He needed to make her understand, make her see…

"What about being a person?" Annie snapped back, "Where does that fit into your equation?"

Sam ran his hands through his hair and paced, knowing he wasn't convincing her. He shoved his hands into his pockets, and hit the engagement ring. He had been keeping it in his pocket ever since he got it. He wasn't sure why, whether it was as a remembrance or he was trying to prove something, but it was strangely comforting now resting in his hand.

He wondered what Maya would think of him now. He was sure she'd agree with Annie- she was always on the woman's side, even against her fiancé. But he wasn't her fiancé anymore. He wasn't anybody's anything anymore.

"My work is all I have," he said, "If I lose it…I won't know who I am anymore."

"Maybe that's good," Annie said, "Maybe it's okay to change every once in a while." But she regarded him with a little more sympathy now, and eventually she said, "There's a pub down the way that might be able to help you. It's called the Railway Arms. You'll probably be able to find someone there."

"Thank you," Sam said, and he meant it.

* * *

><p>Sam stared at the Railway Arms with a certain degree of trepidation. The pub, for it was truly a proper English pub, the kind Sam had never thought he'd see out here, was fine from outward appearances. It was the clientele that he was worried about.<p>

Far from what Annie had told him, the pub patrons appeared to be mostly those on the wrong side of the law, or at least perilously close to being so. Sam could have sworn he saw some of the _Mars'_ crew coming in and out, a suspicion that was further carried by Gene Hunt making his way leisurely in with Chris and Ray.

Sam swore under his breath and moved away, but Gene had already spotted him. "Tyler," he bellowed, and Sam froze. He was going to have words with Annie when he saw her again. If. If he ever saw her again, because he wasn't going back.

Gene made his way over to where Sam was and draped an arm over Sam's shoulder, trapping him against the larger man's side.

Gene said, "Decided to find the best places to have a drink before your move back to society?"

"Not exactly," Sam said, but Gene interrupted him.

"You've certainly chosen the best place," he said, dragging Sam inside, "The Railway Arms is known far and wide as having the best drinks around."

The barman, a black man with twisted hair, said in a native accent, "Gene, _mon brave_, you flatter me."

"Nelson, you know I only speak the truth. Does this mean I get a drink on the house?" Gene asked, making his way to the bar.

"No."

Gene shrugged. "Worth a try. I'll have rum." He turned to Sam. "And what'll you have, Tyler? Or are you too delicate for alcohol?"

Sam rolled his eyes and asked Nelson, "What kind of wines do you have?"

Both Nelson and Gene stared at him as if he had just asked whether the sky were purple. "Never mind," he sighed, "I'll have rum."

"A wise decision," Nelson told him gravely, then winked.

Gene told Sam, "Nelson's a good man. Knows what's going on all over the place."

"I see," Sam said, "Knows things like where Kramer is?"

Gene pointed to him with the hand that held his glass. "You got it," he said, then turned back to the barman, "Nelson, heard anything?"

"I don't know nothing," Nelson said, wiping a glass and putting on an innocent face. He pointed to a brown-haired girl in the corner, "But she were the last one to see Susie alive. Also," he lowered his voice, "She talked to Kramer a lot, was the one who served him the most at the other bar."

"Dora Keene. Wonderful. Thanks, Nelson," Gene said, standing up and dropping some coins on the counter, "Coming, Tyler?"

Sam looked around the pub. He didn't come in here for this. All he needed was to find someone who could get him home, but he didn't see anyone like that around.

As if reading his mind, Gene said, "The law-abiding citizens and soldiers usually come in around a half-hour from now. Until then, you can help me with this."

"Why me?" Sam said, "Why not Chris or Ray?" He looked around for them, and saw Ray with a lapful of a large-breasted woman, who was stuffing money that Ray had given her into her cleavage. Chris was busily engaged in losing large amounts of money in a card game with men who looked to be twice as big as him.

Gene nodded towards the self-explanatory scene, then added, "You've got fancy training, haven't you? I'm sure the Navy teaches you something besides how to be a poncy prick, like how to get people to tell you what you want."

"That's a skill which comes more with experience than training," Sam said. "Fortunately, I have a lot of experience."

"Well, there you go, then," Gene said, sounding pleased, and pulled Sam over.

Sam, realizing he had just inadvertently agreed to help Gene, didn't protest too much. And besides, if what Gene had said was true, then Sam had time to spare before he could talk to someone who could help him.

As they pushed their way through the crowd, Sam said, "Alright, tell me what I need to know about Dora Keene."

"Susie's closest friend," Gene said, "Mouthy bird. Pain in the arse."

"Anything else?"

"She's a pain in the arse," Gene said, as if he wasn't sure why Sam was asking, "What else do you need?"

Before Sam could reply, they were at Dora Keene's table.

Gene sat down without waiting for an invitation, and said, "Hello, Dora love, got a few things to ask you." Sam stood behind Gene's chair and tried to look empathetic yet manly. He didn't think he was succeeding, since Dora didn't even look at him before she replied to Gene.

"I know you," she said, "Gene Hunt. A lot of my customers talk about you."

"Part and parcel of the job, love," Gene said, "What can you tell us about Kramer?"

"Why d'you want to know?" For someone whose friend had just been killed, she was surprisingly hostile.

"We're trying to find him," Sam said. Gene looked at him, raising his eyebrows at the use of the word 'we'. Sam shrugged. If they wanted to get any information out of this girl, they needed to present a unified front, no matter his personal feelings.

"How should I know where he is?" Dora said, crossing her arms and hunching her shoulders.

Gene slammed the table, and both Sam and Dora jumped. "Don't play dumb, love," Gene said, voice firm but at the same volume, "Even though I'm sure it comes naturally to you. Kramer was a regular customer of yours, before he wrung your friend's neck and you came back here."

Dora flinched at the mention of Susie's death, and Sam put a warning hand on Gene' shoulder. "Gene," he muttered, but Gene kept going, and Sam took his hand away.

"You probably know all his hideouts, his routes his targets. You know where he's likely to go next. Now if you let us know, then we can get this maniac off the seas."

Dora snorted in derision, her pretty face scrunching up into an ugly expression. "Gene Hunt," she said defiantly, "White knight in a den of thieves. You should've been a copper instead of a pirate."

Gene stood up and leaned over the table, his brawny figure towering over the seated girl. "Listen closely, Dora," Gene hissed, sounding more menacing than a yell, "I may not be as dirty as some bastards, but I'm still a son of a bitch if I put my mind to it. Now you _will_ tell me where Kramer's going."

Dora glared up at him through long lashes. "I know where he is, Mr. Hunt," she said, in a faux-sweet voice, "Davy Jones' Locker. Where you'll be if you chase after him."

Gene shoved the table to the floor and Dora stood up in surprise. He walked right up in front of her and stared her down as he said, "I can take care of meself, love. Can you?"

Sam backed away from the scene. The barbarity of the situation made his chest clench for reasons he barely wanted to contemplate, and he had to get out. He looked around desperately for an escape, and let out a relieved breath when he saw a Navy sailor standing at the bar.

Sam shoved his way through the crowd, barely seeing anything besides the man at the bar. Finally, a way to escape from this nightmare.

"Hello," Sam said almost breathlessly, as he got up next to the man, "Hi."

The sailor stared at him through bleary eyes, and Sam could tell with one whiff that he was already drunk. Sam barreled on regardless, saying, "My name's Sam Tyler."

"Who?" The other man hiccupped.

Now, Sam was well-known throughout most of the Caribbean for his success at catching pirates and his even more well-known throughout the Navy for his tyrannical tight ship. For someone in the Navy to have not heard of him, arrogant as it may sound, was highly unlikely.

"Sam Tyler," he tried again, "I'm a captain in the Royal Navy."

The sailor eyed him up and down skeptically, taking in the plain clothes which were even filthier than before. "Y'don't look much like a captain," he said.

"Well, I am one," Sam replied, pulling his iron control even tighter. "You may have heard of me. I've caught quite a few pirates."

The sailor eyed him again, then laughed into his drink and said, "Mate, you look more like someone who is a pirate than someone who chases a pirate."

"No, but listen," Sam said, "I just need you to take me to your superior, or direct me somewhere I can get back to where the HMS _Hyde_. It's very important."

The other man snickered in derision so forcefully he spilled his drink all over his shirt. "Yeah, like I'm going to tell you how to get to get to an official vessel. Now leave me alone, I want to have my drink without nutters coming by pretending to be captains." And with that he walked away, shaking his head and muttering to himself.

Sam gaped after him, his control splitting at the seams. Nelson came up to him and said, "You look a bit shaken, friend."

"He doesn't know who I am," Sam said softly.

"The question, Sam," Nelson said, his voice lowering confidentially, "is whether or not _you_ know who you are." When Sam looked at him in confusion he shrugged, smiled, and said, "It's the freakiest show, pal."

A/N 2: Oooooh, the plot thickens! Nyehehehe, I'm feeling Evil Author Syndrome coming on. From this point on, my friends, this is about to get real. Boo yah. *dorky Hazel is dorky*

_Next time: Gene nodded, and confirmed Sam's worries by saying, "If he attacks there, hundreds of innocent people would die."/ As Chris untangled himself in the background, Ray told Gene, "Guv, Dora Keene's missing. We found her bloody shirt where she was sitting."/ Gene's eyes flashed, and his jaw clenched, but his voice was relatively calm as he said, "If we leave now, we could get to Parkerville in two days."/ "You mean," Sam wrapped his mind around the concept. He seemed to be doing that a lot these days. "You mean this is what you do? Go after rogue pirates and stop them from hurting people?"_


	4. Her Friend Is Nowhere To Be Seen

Title: Drink Up, Me Hearties

Fandom: Life on Mars AU

Rating: T for thematic elements and Gene Hunt

Disclaimer: I am in no way smart enough to own Life on Mars. The show belongs to the wonderful, talented people who made it, of which I am not one. Everything outside the show however, like this bizarre AU idea, is mine.

A/N: I never know what to do with Ray in a scene. I usually end up just saying, um, Ray was glaring. Yeah. He's mean like that. Anyway, GAH! Without revealing a bunch of spoilerifficness, I hated writing the next chapter. So much. Which is why this took me so long. Thanks to the two of you that reviewed! Reviews make me giggly and excited.

Previously: _"The question, Sam," Nelson said, his voice lowering confidentially, "is whether or not you know who you are." When Sam looked at him in confusion he shrugged, smiled, and said, "It's the freakiest show, pal."_

CHAPTER FOUR: HER FRIEND IS NOWHERE TO BE SEEN

Sam sat on a bench outside the Railway Arms and buried his head in his hands. He had been so sure that he could get home. So sure that this was the way. Now he had nothing, once again.

He had tried more sailors after the first one, and all had had the same response. None of them knew who he was, or what he had done, and none of them wanted to even talk to him, much less help him out.

His hand automatically went to his pocket, and he once again pulled out Maya's ring and held it in his hands. It was ironic, really, that he thought about her more after she broke their engagement than when they were actually together.

He thought about her letter, saying _All you care about is work, and everything else gets pushed aside._ Even if it were true, that was good, wasn't it? Wasn't it good to be effective and efficient at his job? Relationships with people were messy and, in Sam's experience, usually ended disastrously.

No, it was better to stay totally focused on work, and to forget about pirates who rescued you and had morals, or who were nice to you and acted like you mattered.

Speaking of oddly noble pirates, Sam felt a weight settle on the other side of the bench. "Gift from your girlfriend, then?" Gene said, referring to the ring Sam still held in his hand.

Sam quickly stuffed it back into his pocket and said, "What did you do to that girl?"

"Why do you want to know?" Gene asked, leaning back against the wall.

"On the _Hyde_," Sam said irritably, "That sort of interrogation would be-"

"Cheered and applauded?" Gene suggested, "Because that's been my experience with the Navy."

Sam said sternly, "Not on my ship. You'd be looking at suspension of duty."

"Well," Gene replied, "It's a damn good thing we're not on your ship then, isn't it?"

They sat in silence for a while, during which it didn't look like Gene was planning on going anywhere.

Sam looked around the alley. It was a typical dirty alley, small and narrow, with benches near doors to shops. The only other person around was a drunk, lying passed out along the alley, snoring softly.

Finally, after a few more seconds of awkward silence, Sam said, "Why are you still here? I'm sure you've got better things to do."

Gene, still staring straight ahead and not looking at Sam, said, "No luck with the sailors, then?"

"That's none of your business," Sam snapped, glaring at a spot on the wall. Trying to change the subject, he said, "What did you get from Dora Keene? I assume you got something."

"She said," Gene began, "that Kramer's just about to leave from this port, and would be going to Parkerville next. She said he's probably making an attack."

"Parkerville?" Sam asked, sitting up straight, "That has mostly civilians there."

Gene nodded, and confirmed Sam's worries by saying, "If he attacks there, hundreds of innocent people would die."

Sam swore, and stood up to pace, "If I could only get back to my ship, I could round up other ships, get him before he hurts anyone, but-" he ran his hands through his hair, making it stick up haphazardly, "I can't even get near an official."

As he paced, Gene sat sprawled over the bench, remaining perfectly still in contrast to Sam's frantic movements. He followed Sam with his eyes, though, and when Sam paused in his frantic muttering, Gene said, "Listen, I've been thinking."

"A unique situation for you," Sam remarked, barely listening to what Gene was saying.

Gene barreled on and told him, "My first mate was recently killed, and I've been lacking one for a few months now. You can't get back to your ship yet, and you want to catch Kramer."

Sam stared at him, catching the gist of what he was suggesting. "You're joking," he said.

"I never joke about my ship."

"You want me to be your first mate?"

"Temporary," Gene clarified, "Until you get back to you inferior vessel, and I find someone who is both competent and not a git."

Sam ignored the crack at his ship, and instead focused on trying to understand Gene's reasoning. "You only just met me yesterday. I belong to an official order of the Crown that you clearly hate, and since we've met we've done nothing but insult each other."

Gene stood up now, standing directly in front of Sam and shoving his hands in his pockets. As he talked, he kept his gaze very carefully on a spot above Sam's right ear. "I need someone who's organized, dedicated, and can get along with other people." He shrugged, and added, "I figure two out of three isn't bad."

"Thanks," Sam said wryly, "But why should I work with you? You're a pirate, in case you're forgetting."

"Because," Gene said, lips quirking a little, "You need something to do or you'll go mad, and you won't find anything here." He continued, walking away a little and keeping his hands in his pockets. "Of course, there'd be limitations. Neither of us would ask questions they don't need to know, and we'd stay out of each other's personal business."

They stayed that way for a minute, Sam digesting Gene's proposal. He knew he should just reject it out of hand, but…"Why did Dora Keene say you should have been a copper?"

"That's one of the questions you don't need to know." Gene turned to face him, and said, "So what do you say, Sammy-boy? Yes or no?"

Sam took a breath, knowing that this was one of the decisions that changed a man's life forever. He deliberated slowly, needing to think long and hard about it.

His thoughts were abruptly cut off by Ray being bodily thrown out of the pub and landing in a crumpled heap in the alley, followed closely by Chris. Ray scrambled to his feet, and his eyes found Gene.

As Chris untangled himself in the background, Ray told Gene, "Guv, Dora Keene's missing. We found her bloody shirt where she was sitting."

Chris finally stood up and came over, saying, "We're pretty sure Kramer took her."

Gene let loose an impressive string of profanities, and Sam ran his hands though his hair again. "He could be killing her right now," he said, "Didn't he kill Susie Tripper as soon as he took her from the bar?"

"That's not what he usually does," Ray said, "They're usually taken onto his ship until he reaches his next target."

"You mean he's done this _before_?" Sam cried, his eyes widening, "Why hasn't anybody else heard about this?"

Chris said, "People are too scared to talk. He usually kills the ones who do."

"That's why we need to catch him, and fast," Gene said, then turned to Gene, "Tyler, I need your answer now. Yes or no?"

Sam hesitated only for a moment, then thought of Dora Keene being strangled just like her friend. This might be his only chance to get rid of this monster. "Yes," he said.

Gene didn't smile, but he nodded, looking satisfied. He barked at Chris and Ray, "Is Kramer's ship still at the docks?"

"I…think so, yeah," Chris said.

Gene and Sam didn't even look at each other, just raced down the alley in perfect unison. They dashed down the streets of Graham's Landing, barely noticing Ray and Chris stumbling behind them.

Sam's breathing echoed in his ears as he kept apace with Gene. For all his bulk, the man was fast. The frantic sprinting made his legs ache, but he resolved not to fall behind.

They arrived at the docks only a few minutes later, to see Kramer's ship slip away from the docks, sails beginning to unfurl in the wind.

Gene made to jump after it, but Sam held him back. "It's too late," Sam said, "We'll never catch him from here. We need to get back to the ship."

Gene's eyes flashed, and his jaw clenched, but his voice was relatively calm as he said, "If we leave now, we could get to Parkerville in two days."

"But we'd need to leave immediately," Sam pointed out.

Gene turned to Chris and Ray, who had just come up, gasping, panting and barely able to stand up. "Get everybody together," Gene said sharply, "We're leaving within the hour, whether everyone's ready or not."

Chris gasped out a barely audible, "Yes, guv," while Ray just glared at Sam as though it were his fault. Sam ignored it, as he followed Gene over to the _Mars_. They had a lot of preparation to do.

* * *

><p>Midmorning the next day, Sam was on the deck, adjusting a rope, cursing Gene Hunt, the ship, and pirates in general. As soon as they had set sail the night before, Gene had dragged him in front of the entire crew and had said, "Here's your temporary new first officer. Be nice to him, he's a delicate flower," then had wandered off to have a drink, leaving Sam standing awkwardly in front of the crew.<p>

Annie and Chris were the only ones who had looked pleased, Annie giving him a sweet smile. Everyone else had been either indifferent or skeptical, as Ray clearly was. Either way, Sam had escaped from the situation as soon as possible, even though he knew as first mate he'd have to get to know all of them eventually.

Now, though, he was still avoiding people he hadn't met yet. The only person he felt truly comfortable with on this ship was Annie, and right now she was helping prepare something to eat down below.

Chris he knew he could talk to, since he seemed to be the only other member of the crew happy to have him there. When Sam had asked him about it, Chris had mumbled something about, "nice having someone organized," and dashed off.

Chris was now standing beside him, also working with a rope and not having much luck. Sam peered over and said, "You need to use a round turn and two half hitches knot for that to stay in place."

Chris stared at the rope in confusion, and Sam reached over and showed him how to tie it. "Oh," Chris said, "That makes sense, I guess. Thanks."

"Sure," Sam said, and they worked together in silence until Sam said again, "Can I ask you something?"

Chris looked up, as if he were surprised that he was considered to answer a question. "Yeah," he said, "Go ahead."

"Why are you on this ship? I mean, why do you work with Gene and them? No offense, but you don't seem much the kind to do well on a pirate ship."

Chris was silent for a long while, staring at the knot Sam had tied for him.

Sam realized that he might have gone too fast too soon, and said, "I'm sorry if that's too personal, you don't have to-"

"My dad was in the Navy," Chris spilled out, as though he had had to work up the nerve to say it. "He died at sea, in a storm, while I was living with my mum here in the Caribbean. The pirate ship _The Tiger_ attacked the town, and the guv, who was hunting it, came by and drove them off."

"Drove them- What kind of a pirate ship is this?"

Chris looked up at him, his brow furrowing. "You mean you don't know?"

"Gene hasn't told me anything," Sam said irritably, "Not one single thing, even when I've asked."

Chris shrugged in acceptance of this fact. "He does like to keep to himself," he said. "But as to what kind of a ship this is- well, I'll just say this isn't the first time we've gone hunting after someone like Kramer. Most of what we do is this."

"You mean," Sam wrapped his mind around the concept. He seemed to be doing that a lot these days. "You mean this is what you do? Go after rogue pirates and stop them from hurting people?"

"Yeah," Chris said, seeming relieved that Sam had grasped the concept without Chris having to try to explain it.

"Why?" Sam said, "That's what the Navy does, it's not the job of other pirates."

"I dunno," Chris said, "It's just what we do. It's the guv's idea."

"Right," Sam said, swearing to himself that he would never understand the man.

He noticed Chris looked uncomfortable talking about this, but before he had to frantically think up another conversation topic, Annie came up, still looking pretty even though she smelled like salted cod.

She told Chris, "Phyllis is looking for you. She said something about not leaving your stuff lying around willy-nilly."

Chris winced. "Oh right, forgot about that." He looked at Sam and the ropes and asked, "Are you…?"

"I'm good here," Sam said, and Chris trotted away, nearly tripping over a coil of rope.

Sam turned to see Annie beaming at him, and inwardly cringed. He felt inexplicably guilty for their last conversation, even though she had apparently forgiven him for trying to leave.

She said, "You came back."

He shrugged uncomfortably. "Where else could I go? Nobody I talked to could help me." He leveled a half-hearted stern gaze at her, "Apparently, the Railway Arms is where the crew of this always goes. I'm curious as to why you didn't mention that when you told me about it."

Annie put on an innocent expression, which was ruined by the mischievous glint in her eye. "Did I really not mention it? I must have forgotten. Blacked out. Amnesia, that's what it's called."

"Of course," Sam said dryly, but he couldn't keep himself from smiling a little bit.

Annie pointed to his smile and said, "There it is. Knew you couldn't keep your face so doom and gloom all the time."

"I'm not that bad," Sam protested, but when Annie leveled a dubious look at him, he had to admit that recently he had been a bit discontent.

She patted him on the shoulder and smiled, saying, "Maybe you'll find that you like it here after all."

"I doubt it," Sam said, but regretted it as soon as he spoke, looking at Annie's understanding blue eyes.

She tilted her head and shrugged and, as she sauntered off, said, "At least you're staying to catch Kramer. That's something."

"Yes," Sam said softly to himself, "something." He'd see how much he was doing when they got to Parkerville.

A/N 2: Kind of an anticlimactic way to end a chapter, but oh well. Next chapter will be much more exciting, I promise, even though writing action scenes terrifies me to the bone. Also exposition. Lots of delicious, yummy, slightly dry exposition. Yay?

Next time: _Sam sighed, and started when Annie came up next to him and slipped her arm through his. "Shall we?" she asked playfully. /_ _The girl said, "I'm just trying to help you, Sam. That's all I want." "What?" Sam hissed, keeping his hands pressed over his ears. / The steersman slid across the deck with a moan and hit his head on the mast. Knocked unconscious, his head slumped to the side, and his unfocused eyes slid shut. / Sam and Gene shared an excited, adrenaline-filled glance, then dashed in tandem out of the room._


	5. Sailors Fighting In The Dance Hall

Title: Drink Up, Me Hearties

Fandom: Life on Mars AU

Rating: T for thematic elements and Gene Hunt

Disclaimer: I am in no way smart enough to own Life on Mars. The show belongs to the wonderful, talented people who made it, of which I am not one. Everything outside the show however, like this bizarre AU idea, is mine.

A/N: So, about updating so late, but I…um…and school…screw it, I don't have a good excuse. I'm just a lazy butt. XD But the next chapter will be posted really, really soon since it's already written. I promise this time. Pinky promise.

Previously: _She tilted her head and shrugged and, as she sauntered off, said, "At least you're staying to catch Kramer. That's something."_

"_Yes," Sam said softly to himself, "something." He'd see how much he was doing when they got to Parkerville._

CHAPTER FIVE: SAILORS FIGHTING IN THE DANCE HALL

A day later, they reached Parkerville, much to Sam's relief. The whole crew was so tightly wound in anticipation of catching Kramer that the air popped with tension. Gene was snapping at anyone who came near him, and Sam kept himself busy doing every little task imaginable to keep his mind occupied.

Even though people got angry at each other more easily, no one dared to start a fight under the watchful eye of the captain. Sam couldn't help but admire Gene's influence over the crew, even as Gene himself was getting wound tighter than a coil of rope.

Gene had called Sam into his office the evening before, and they had spent the night analyzing Parkerville and the surrounding area to best determine their approach. A bottle or glass of some alcoholic mixture had seldom left Gene's hand, even though Sam wasn't sure he had ever seen Gene take a drink.

They had decided to use the element of surprise, docking in an out of the way, unpopulated cove. Passing by the more popular dock, they didn't see Kramer's ship, which meant that they had passed him on the way. Sam exchanged a relieved glance with Gene.

They finally docked in the cove and secured the ship. The crew milled around on the beach, looking nothing at all like the strict Navy crew Sam was used to. Gene, apparently, was very used to it, as he stood up on a rock and yelled, "Alright, you tossers, planning time now!"

The whole crew en masse turned to face him, and Sam raised his eyebrows. He caught Annie's eye, and she smiled at his surprise.

The crew stared at Gene, and at Sam who was standing uncomfortably on the sand beside the rock. Gene said, raising his voice to be heard over the crowd, "Right, as we saw when we went by the dock, Kramer's ship isn't here yet. But it could be here any minute so, on Tyler's suggestion," everyone looked at Sam, who shifted in his spot, "we're going to set up reconna- rec- er, look-out teams."

Sam smirked, until Ray threw sand in his hair. As Sam rubbed his head irritably, Gene continued, "I've divided you all up into groups. Phyllis, you and I will be trawling the bars, seeing what more info we can pick up on Kramer, Raimes and the crew. Tyler, you and Cartwright," he nodded at Annie, "will be patrolling the docks, keeping an eye out for Kramer's ship."

"Lucky bastard," one of the scruffy men Sam didn't know muttered, and the crew laughed.

"June," Gene called out over the ruckus, and a young, blond girl with a pretty face snapped to a facsimile of attention. "You and Chris are our messengers. If Annie and Tyler, Phyllis and I, or Ray find anything, they'll tell you, and you'll spread the word among the teams. Speaking of, Ray."

Ray stopped snickering and looked at Gene with more respect than Sam had ever seen on his face. "Yes, guv?" he said.

"You have friends and informants in this town, haven't you?"

Ray nodded. "Got them in every town, guv."

"Good. See what they have to say. Vince-" And Gene went through the entire crew, giving them each a specific job. Most would keep watch on the docks where Annie and Sam didn't go, while others would search for information.

Gene sent everyone on their way, with a hearty, "Don't get too drunk, remember, we need to be alert," to the rest of the crew. Sam sighed, and started when Annie came up next to him and slipped her arm through his.

"Shall we?" she asked playfully.

It was nice, walking along the docks with Annie in comfortable silence. He almost let himself be lulled into a false sense of security, like he wasn't trapped with a crew of pirates who hunted other, worse pirates, and chasing a man who killed young girls for fun.

There wasn't any unusual activity around the docks, just the typical liaisons associated with a merchant port. They passed June, who was lounging on a bench and keeping a keen eye. Sam gave her a look that he hoped communicated that all was well.

The message apparently went through, and June nodded and slouched back further against the wall she was leaned against.

"I'm surprised Kramer hasn't showed up yet," Annie remarked, "If he were going to attack, wouldn't he hurry up?"

"No," Sam said, continuously scanning the docks even as he spoke, "He wants to be prepared. Also, if he doesn't kill the girls he takes until he reaches wherever he's going, he likely wants more time with them."

Annie shivered a little. "It's hard to believe a human being could be that horrible," she said.

Sam patted her arm gently as he said, "Even so, he'll likely be here within the hour. All we have to do is wait."

Annie didn't seem to hear him, as she continued saying, "Poor Susie Tripper, and now Dora…"

Seeing she was still on the subject, Sam voiced a thought that had been bothering him ever since Dora had been taken. "Why wasn't Susie taken on board the ship like the other girls?"

Annie shrugged. "Dunno. Does it matter?"

Sam pursed his lips and said thoughtfully, "I don't know, it just seems-"A flitter of a red dress came across his vision, and his eyes followed the red to its owner, an eerily familiar girl with a patchwork doll. "Odd," he finished, and stared at the girl.

She was humming a different song than when he had first met her. It was an odd, jangling melody that he was unused to. As he stared at her, she tilted her head to the side, face still perfectly impassive.

Sam felt a rushing in his ears that blocked out the world outside of this little girl, and he only barely registered Annie saying in a worried tone, "Sam? Are you alright? What is it?"

In contrast, when the girl started singing it was as loud as a cannon. "_Out here in the fields,_" she sang, and Sam had to hold his hands to his ears to try and block the sound. "_I fight for my meals,_" she continued, then stopped abruptly and simply stared.

"What do you want?" Sam whispered.

Annie's voice filtered through as if through water, "What? Who are you talking to?"

The girl said, "I'm just trying to help you, Sam. That's all I want."

"What?" Sam hissed, keeping his hands pressed over his ears. Dimly, he heard Chris' voice join Annie's in worried questions.

The little girl said, very deliberately, "Not everything is as it seems. That's important."

And then she was gone, just like that, and everything was normal again. Sam took his hands away from his ears and found himself staring into the concerned faces of Annie and Chris.

"Are you okay?" Annie asked, peering at him with medical eyes.

"You looked like you were somewhere else, boss," Chris said, simply looking confused.

"I'm fine," Sam muttered, rubbing at his head distractedly, "Did you see that girl?"

He could tell by their expressions what the answer was, even before Annie said, "What girl?" and Chris said, "I didn't see anyone."

Sam shook his head. He'd worry about it later. "Never mind, it's not important. Chris, did you come here to tell us something?"

Chris straightened and said, "Oh! Yeah. I don't know if it matters or not, but the guv and Phyllis found out that Colin Raimes' grandmother lives in this town."

"His grandmother? Where in the town?" Sam asked in astonishment.

Chris shrugged and said, "They dunno yet, they're trying to find that out."

Annie asked, "Why would Kramer attack the town where his first mate's grandmother lives?"

A thought struck Sam, and he whispered to himself, "Not everything is as it seems."

"What?"

Sam started pacing, his energy pouring out of him in animated movements and he thought aloud, "Why was Susie's death so different from the other girls? Are we sure it was Kramer who killed her?"

"Absolutely," Chris said firmly.

Sam looked at him in surprise, then remembered that Chris was the one who found her body. "Think carefully, Chris," Sam said, stopping his pacing and trying to pull his energy inward, "What exactly did you see when you found Susie? Was Kramer there?"

Chris nodded. "'e was leaning over her body when I came to the entrance of the alleyway. He heard me coming, and he ran to the other end of the alley, where Colin Raimes was standing. But he was definitely the one that killed her."

"Raimes," Sam muttered, "Where does he fit into all of this?"

Annie interjected, "No one actually knows much about him. He's kind of a mystery."

Sam rubbed his head with his hands, ruffling his hair and said, "I need to think."

"No time," Annie said quickly, sounding alarmed, "Look!"

Sam and Chris both spun around to face the sea, where Kramer's ship was coming into dock.

"Oh my God," Chris whispered, "It's him, what do we do?"

Sam shoved aside his thought process for the moment, resolving to think about it later. "Remember the plan," he said, "Chris, you go alert June and the others. Don't forget to tell the crew to let most of the men off the ship before we attack. We don't want to go rushing in there guns blazing when we're outnumbered and outmatched."

Chris nodded, his eyes still showing his panic. "Right. No guns blazing. Got it," then dashed off to tell the others.

Sam turned to Annie and said, "This might get a bit dangerous, so if you want to stay out of the…way…"

While he was talking Annie had cast him a scathing look and pulled out two revolvers from her waistband.

Sam amended his statement and said, "Or if you want to join the battle, that's fine too. We could always use another hand."

Annie smirked.

Sam pulled out his own weapons, a revolver and a cutlass, and they moved behind a corner where they could see who was coming off the ship without being seen themselves. Interestingly, the men coming off the ship didn't look like they were ready for an attack. They looked like they were scared, almost.

Sam remarked on the oddness of it, and Annie said, "Wasn't it Dora Keene who said he was making an attack?"

"Yeah."

"I wonder why…"

They watched as a group of men wearing wide-brimmed hats came down the plank, and Ray and some other of the crew circled around the other side of the docks, making sure to stay out of sight of those exiting the ship.

Even though Sam kept his eyes fixed on the ship, he could sense Gene and Phyllis coming up to stand next to them, their own weapons in hand.

Gene said quietly, or least as quietly as he could manage, "How many has it been coming off the ship?"

"About ten," Annie murmured back, managing to make her voice as low as possible.

"Not too shabby," Gene said, "Kramer doesn't have a huge crew in the first place. I say we go now."

Sam eyed the ship. There didn't seem to be anyone else coming off of it, so he nodded. "I agree," he said, "Let's go."

They rushed onto the ship, joined by the group with Ray. Gene was in the front of the pack, first on the ship and barreling into the first person he came across, the steersman.

The steersman slid across the deck with a moan and hit his head on the mast. Knocked unconscious, his head slumped to the side, and his unfocused eyes slid shut. They looked around the deck, and Ray asked the question everyone else was thinking.

"Where the hell is everybody?"

Besides the unconscious steersman and two cabin boys who immediately held up their hands in surrender, there was nobody on deck and no sign that anyone was responding to their attack.

"Hell of a fighting force this is," Gene snorted, "My granny could beat this lot, and she's blind and has a wooden leg."

Sam came up next him and said, "Gene, Annie and I were talking about this. Something's odd here. I don't think it's what we expected."

"You think?" Gene exclaimed sarcastically, "Well, I'm glad you're here, Tyler, we never would have figured out what's going on were it not for your keen powers of observation."

Ray sniggered, and before Sam could reply there was a thud from below. Gene motioned Sam, Ray, Chris and Annie to go with him, and motioned everybody else to keep watch on the deck.

They crept below deck, sneaking as best they could. Chris tripped on a box and fell over, then said in a very loud whisper, "Sorry."

Ray replied in an equally loud whisper, "Shut it, you div."

Gene smacked them both on the head, then said in a much quieter whisper, "Both of you shut it. Don't you hear that?"

They all listened and heard the sound of a man wailing and sobbing. It was harsh and loud, and eerie, and made the hairs on the back of Sam's neck stand up. The group followed the sound to its source, ending up in the brig, full of dank water and mildew and the rest of Kramer's crew.

Kramer's men were clustered around the source of the wailing, most of them looking either frightened or pitying. Raimes was not among them.

As the group with Gene and Sam neared the cluster of men, the men parted, revealing Kramer on the floor cradling Dora Keene in his arms.

His wailing degraded into muttered words, and he kept repeating, "Dora, Dora, I'm so sorry, I didn't know, I'm sorry…"

Sam and Gene looked at each other in confusion, then looked back at Kramer.

Sam said, "Kramer?"

Kramer looked up at them, his hair matted and disgusting, tears streaking down his grimy face. Annie took advantage of his distraction and moved next to him, checking Dora. "She's alive," Annie said, relief in her tone.

"You a doctor?" Kramer said to Annie, looking hopefully at her.

"Yes, of a sort," Annie said carefully. Kramer carefully placed Dora into her arms, brushing the hair from Dora's forehead almost affectionately.

He said, "I don't know what he did to her, I can't- don't let her die."

"I'll do what I can," Annie promised, and Sam had to admire her calmness in the face of this bizarre scene.

Gene, who looked completely dumbstruck, finally gathered himself together enough to ask, "What who did to her, Kramer? You saying you didn't kidnap Dora? What about the other girls?"

Kramer turned to face him, still sitting on the wet floor, sniffling and looking oddly pathetic. "I didn't know anything about those girls," he said, "I never come down here, it's him that does. He told he'd take care of it, he-"

"Who, Kramer?" Sam interrupted, "Who did this?"  
>Kramer blinked with wide eyes, as if he was surprised that they didn't know already. "Colin," he said, "It was Colin."<p>

Sam inhaled deeply and nodded in realization.

Gene didn't seem to get it, as he asked impatiently, "What the hell do you mean by that?"

"No, don't you see?" Sam cut in, "It all makes sense. This explains why Susie Tripper's death was different from all the other girls. Kramer was the one who killed Susie, but Colin Raimes killed all the others."

"Why didn't we know this?" Gene asked the room at large. A vein was pulsing in his neck, and he looked like he'd strangle the next person who spoke.

Unfortunately for Kramer, he was that person, as he said, "Even I didn't know until I killed that Susie girl."

Gene rounded on him, grabbing the front of Kramer's shirt and hauling him to his feet, as Gene shouted, his face going red, "He was your first mate, how did you not know what he was doing under your nose for all this time? And why'd you kill Susie?"

"He was mine," Kramer said, sniffling. He was a pathetic sight, far from the fearsome pirate captain that Sam had heard of, with all of his weight resting on Gene's hands. He would fall back to the ground if Gene let go, which Gene promptly did.

Kramer dropped to the floor and continued, as if nothing had happened. "He was more than just my crewman, he was my closest friend. I trusted him, I never thought he'd do something like this." Kramer added in a whisper, almost talking to himself, "He was always jealous of those girls."

"He was jealous?" Sam prompted, "Is that why he killed them?" Gene cast him a look, but didn't say anything.

Kramer nodded. "Whenever I met a girl I fancied, that would be the girl that he'd take. He didn't like it when I liked girls like Dora. I never- never thought about why I'd never see them again. But then when we kept going to Port Royal, and I got to know Dora…but 'e, Colin, thought I was sweet on Susie instead. He convinced me Susie was spying on me, working against me, so I killed her."

"Why did he convince you to kill her?" Sam asked, "Instead of what he usually does?"

Kramer shrugged noncommittally. "Dunno. Didn't have enough time, maybe? Wanted to try something new?"

Kramer's eyes actually became moist, and he started mumbling under his breath, apparently forgetting that anybody else was there. "I trusted him, thought he was alright, I never knew he hated those girls so much, why didn't I notice, oh God-"

Gene cut Kramer off, demanding, "Enough chit-chat, where's Colin now?"

Kramer hesitated, and Gene once again hauled him up by his shirt. Gene didn't raise his voice this time, though- he merely put his face close to Kramer's and hissed, "Listen, Kramer, your little loverboy has killed five innocent girls in the past two years, and betrayed you in the process. He's a monster, and I'm gonna stop him. So where. Is. He?"

With each word at the end Gene gave Kramer a rough shake. Finally, Gene dropped the pirate unceremoniously onto the floor.

Kramer started to slowly pick himself back up as he said, "At his grandmother's, I think."

Sam's heart leaped with expectation and he quickly said, "Where is that exactly?"

"Next to the Flying Pig tavern right off of Main Street, y'can't miss it."

Sam and Gene shared an excited, adrenaline-filled glance, then dashed in tandem out of the room. Gene shouted over his shoulder, "Chris, Ray, bring back-up and Kramer to that address _now!_"

They sprinted across the deck, ignoring anyone else that was there. Not even bothering with the gangway, they reached the side of the ship and leapt over it simultaneously to land on the docks below.

They were going to catch a killer.

A/N: I like this chapter's ending much better than the last chapter. Cliffhangers are so much more fun, don't you think? *dodges fruit* Okay, okay, next chapter is the last chapter, and it will be posted soon. Seriously.

Next time: _"Nothing to worry about, love," Gene said, sounding remarkably gentile for a man pointing a gun at her grandson, "We just want a little chat with Colin, that's all."/ Kramer grabbed Colin's arms and they both froze, staring at each other. / Gene looked at him as if he were a babbling idiot. "I'm getting rid of two incredibly huge risks to innocent people on the high seas. What are you doing?"/ Sam sighed, gritting his teeth. "It's all over," he said, and Annie had the sense to not inquire any further._


	6. Look At Those Cavemen Go

Title: Drink Up, Me Hearties

Fandom: Life on Mars AU

Rating: T for thematic elements and Gene Hunt

Disclaimer: I am in no way smart enough to own Life on Mars. The show belongs to the wonderful, talented people who made it, of which I am not one. Everything outside the show however, like this bizarre AU idea, is mine.

A/N: See? See? That wasn't so bad, right? Right? Why are you all leaving? COME BACK IT'S THE LAST CHAPTER! *ahem* I mean, here it is. Hi. Also, there's a lot more swearing in this chapter. I didn't mean to, but it just sort of…happened. I blame Gene Hunt. Also, one last thing, many thanks to my two loyal reviewers, Jazzola and Jolly jamacian janitor, for their lovely and slightly obsessive support!

Previously: _They sprinted across the deck, ignoring anyone else that was there. Not even bothering with the gangway, they reached the side of the ship and leapt over it simultaneously to land on the docks below._

_They were going to catch a killer._

CHAPTER SIX: LOOK AT THOSE CAVEMEN GO

At the speed they were running, it wasn't long before they caught sight of a tavern with a sign depicting a pig with wings. Next to it, nestled away from the bustle of the main thoroughfare, was a small, tidy house, almost a cottage, with the name RAIMES printed above the door.

Gene kicked the door in, clutching his gun tightly in his hand. Sam followed, holding his own gun (from the _Mars_ armory) just as fiercely.

As soon as they burst in, Colin jumped up from the table where his grandmother sat.

She rose as well and asked, "What's going on?"

"Nothing to worry about, love," Gene said, sounding remarkably gentile for a man pointing a gun at her grandson, "We just want a little chat with Colin, that's all."

"It might be best if you leave, Mrs. Raimes," Sam advised, but she stayed where she was, looking undecidedly around the room.

"It's alright, gran," Colin said, baring his teeth in a parody of a smile, "Captain Hunt is a gentleman."

Mrs. Raimes still looked uncertain, but shuffled out of the house anyway. Colin was still smiling, holding his hands up.

"What can I do for you, good sirs?" Colin asked, acting as if they had just stopped by for a friendly chat, "Would you like some tea?"

"We know you killed those girls, Colin," Sam said, not wavering a step at Colin's attitude. Gene stood close beside him, and Sam could feel the tension in the captain's body. He knew Gene wanted to stop with the talking and get right to shooting, and Sam hoped he could get Gene to delay.

"What girls?" Colin asked, a deceptively innocent look on his face. The look was spoiled by the sharp, manic gleam in his eyes, and a twitch to his mouth that looked like he was trying to repress a smile.

"The girls you brutally murdered, you sick bastard," Gene snapped, moving forward to lunge at Colin, but Sam held him back.

"Ever the gentleman, Captain Hunt," Colin smirked, and said, "Last I heard, everyone thought it was Eddie who was killing those poor, stupid girls."

"We know differently," Sam said.

"Oh, really? Do you have any proof that I did it?"

"Yes," Gene said vindictively, "Your captain told us. Apparently, he's not very happy with you killing all the girls he likes."

Colin's face made a sudden dramatic twist from being politely amused to rage and confusion. His lip curled up in a sneer and his eyes flashed as he spat out a litany of curses. "That son of a _bitch_," he swore, "After all I did for him? Those girls weren't good enough for him, weren't good enough even for garbage, I had to make them see that. I saved him from being taken advantage of, and how does he repay me?"

He swore again, and Sam interjected, "Seems to me like you're the one taking advantage of him, not those innocent girls."

"Innocent," Colin hissed derisively, "Those whores were anything but. They were just like painted statues, and you know what? I enjoyed killing them. It was more fun than marbles."

"Marbles?" Gene said incredulously, "What, are you twelve?"

Colin smirked, and said, "I like marbles." He made a sudden rush for the door, knocking Gene over and shoving Sam against a cabinet.

He was stopped by Chris, Ray and Kramer showing up at the door. Kramer grabbed Colin's arms and they both froze, staring at each other. Gene stood up, dragged them both into the room, and sat them at the table.

"Thank you, gentlemen," Gene said to Chris and Ray, still standing at the door, "I think we can take it from here."

They obeyed him without question, and Ray said, "Good job at catching the bastard, guv," before leaving.

Chris paused just as he was about to follow Ray and looked at Sam, saying, "You too, boss. Good job."

"Thanks," Sam said automatically. He wasn't used to compliments from his crew. In fact, he wasn't used to favorable words at all from his crew. It was odd, but still…kind of nice. No. No, he was just going to finish this, and find a way to get home. That was all.

He turned back to the table to see Gene leveling his revolver at Colin, who was too engaged in what appeared to be a highly emotional staring match with Kramer to notice.

Sam raced forward and grabbed Gene's arm, crying, "What are you doing?"  
>Gene looked at him as if he were a babbling idiot. "I'm getting rid of two incredibly huge risks to innocent people on the high seas. What are you doing?"<p>

"Stopping you from brutally murdering two people in cold blood," Sam snapped, still holding onto Gene's arm.

Gene yanked away from Sam and stood to face him, a vein pulsing in his forehead. "What do you suggest I do?" he said, his voice low but straining with tension, "Let these two murdering bastards back out on the seas to kill again?"

"I suggest you leave it to the authorities," Sam said, feeling his own body filling with tension. "It's their job to handle people like them."

"What, pirates?" Gene said, "In case you haven't noticed, Sam, we're the sort of people the authorities handle as well. They don't make distinctions between nice lawbreakers and nasty lawbreakers."

"You are," Sam said in reply to Gene's first comment, "I'm not. I can just go to the local authorities, tell them who I am, and say-"

"Yeah, because that worked really well the last time you tried that," Gene snapped. "Face it, Tyler. We're the only line of defense between these two sons of bitches and the rest of the God-fearing world. But-" Gene gave his gun to Sam and held up his hands. "I'll make it your decision."

"What?"

"You decide what happens to these two." Gene gestured at Colin and Kramer, who were now staring at Sam and Gene's argument with rapt eyes. "Turn them in, kill them y'self, I don't care. You're planning on leaving after this anyway, aren't you?"

Gene walked out of the cottage without letting Sam reply, and Sam was left standing there holding two guns, and with two vicious pirates staring at him.

"It's hard, innit," Colin finally said, "When your captain betrays you so."

Kramer glared at his first mate through matted hair and said, "I never asked you to kill those girls."

"Maybe never with words," Colin snapped, beginning to ignore Sam completely and leaning across the table towards Kramer, "But those girls were never good enough for you. I was just looking out for your best interests."

"They were important to me!" Kramer yelled back, slapping the table.

Sam stared at the two pirates, then sighed and said, "It sounds like you two have some issues to work out. I'll leave you to it."

He put the gun he had taken from the armory and put it on the table between them, then started walking out. He wasn't sure he was doing the right thing- he would never have done something like this in the Navy, but he admitted that Gene was right. Even if he could get an official to listen, the pirates would already be long gone.

As soon as Sam shut the door behind him, acutely aware of Gene's gaze, two shots rang out inside. Sam closed his eyes in painful resignation.

Gene stood up from where he was leaning on the door frame, and said, "Welcome to the team, Sam."

Sam opened his eyes, looked at the captain and said, with an ironic smile, "Thanks...guv." Gene smirked and walked off, clearly pleased with himself. Sam felt sick to his stomach.

"See you back at the ship," Gene called behind him, as Annie passed him running towards Sam.

As Gene moved off into the distance, Annie asked, "What happened?"

Sam sighed, gritting his teeth. "It's all over," he said, and Annie had the sense to not inquire any further.

Colin's grandmother was still waiting outside, staring horrified at her house. Sam didn't want to think about her finding her grandson and his captain dead on her kitchen table. He didn't want to think about anything, right now. He just felt so, so tired. He wanted to go home, back to the Hyde where he belonged. In just three days he had gone against almost everything he had stood for, and the worst part was, he wasn't sure he cared.

As he and Annie walked back to the ship, he knew that getting back to the Hyde was near impossible. Gene was, God help him, right. If it didn't work in Graham's Landing, why the hell would he think that it would work anywhere else.

But at the exact moment, he saw a familiar face walking down the street.

"Neil!" he said in surprise.

"Who?" Annie asked.

"My first officer on the Hyde," Sam explained, "that means that the ship is docked somewhere around here."

He ignored Annie's exasperated expression, and called out to Neil.

Neil caught sight of Sam, and his shocked expression would have been comical if Sam weren't so relieved.

"It's me," Sam said, "Your captain. I fell off the ship, remember?"

Neil worked his mouth before he said anything, and even then he only said, "Oh."

"I've been looking for you," Sam said, ignoring Neil's odd expression, "Where's the ship?"

"The ship," Neil repeated, as if he didn't quite understand.

"Yes," Sam said, "The ship. You know, the one I'm captain of?"

Neil looked like a wild animal at the wrong end of a gun barrel. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said fearfully, "Please leave me alone."

He turned to run off in the other direction, and kept running after Sam called after him. Sam ran after him, ignoring Annie's call of, "Sam, wait!"

Sam ran, keeping Neil in his sight. His first mate was running towards the docks, and Sam was sure he was going to the ship. His ship. The Hyde.

So intent was he on his mission, that he almost didn't notice Annie pulling at his shirt.

He finally stopped to look at her, and she gasped out, "What's going on, Sam?"

"If I follow Neil back to the ship, I can go home," Sam said, his body thrumming with excitement and itching to keep moving.

"He didn't even recognize you," Annie protested, "He hardly looked like he was going to invite you back."

"I don't know," Sam exclaimed, "but I need to keep moving. As long as there's even a chance-"

Annie let him go and he immediately started running again. He had lost sight of Neil, but he had an idea of where he was going. Sam made his way to the docks, now very conscious of Annie's presence behind him.

He hadn't paid attention to where he was, and didn't know where he was going, so it took him time to find the docks. He finally got there, only to see the Hyde slipping away out to sea.

He moved to jump after it and, in a bizarre repetition of the scene earlier with Gene, Annie held him back. "It's too late, Sam," she said, "They're too far away."

Sam paced and rubbed his head, groaning in frustration. "I was so close, Annie," he said, "So close to going home."

"Maybe it's just not time, yet," Annie suggested sympathetically. There was a touch of relief on her face, however.

"What am I supposed to do, Annie?" Sam asked plaintively.

"Stay," she said.

* * *

><p>When they got back to the ship, Gene was waiting by the gangplank. "Welcome aboard," he said smugly, as if he knew all along that Sam would come back, the smug bastard.<p>

Sam glared at him and said, "If I'm going to be the first mate on this death trap, I'm going to need a proper coat."

Gene laughed and slapped him hard on the back, saying, "I think we can manage that, Sammy-boy."

"Don't call me that."

"Alright, if you want to leave the stick up your arse, that's your problem."

And so, with Gene in front of him and Annie close behind, Sam stepped onto the Mars, trying to ignore the voice of a little girl that was singing a new song.

"In the white room with black curtains, near the station..."

A/N 2: I quoted from the American version. I REGRET NOTHING. So there it is. The last chapter. I'm going to try and build up a bigger buffer for posting, so it'll be a while before the next installment in the series. Yes, I'm planning on doing the whole sixteen episodes. God help me.


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